Did I make the race…

Short answer: no.

No heroic travel story. No scaling mountains to run mountains. No big revelation about what it all means.

I just had to be okay with not running, losing some money and feeling a little glum for a while.

Sometimes, there isn’t a story and I’m sorry to disappoint, but this is one of those times.

I ran out of magic (for a little while).

Sometimes I don’t need a big breakthrough, a hahaha moment or something beautifully packaged at the end. Sometimes, It just is, what it is.

I can only control the controllables.

But in that, over the last few weeks, I have realised something I was missing, routine (and home).

I first thought I was missing purpose, but I don’t think that’s it. I still have a sense of purpose. What’s been missing is the structure around it.

For 9 months, routine has been pretty much thrown out of the window.

And while I’ve loved a lot about that, I’ve also felt downsides to it.

Things I’ve loved:

• Not knowing what day of the week it is.

• Changing or picking up plans at the drop of a hat.

• No stress of a packed work diary.

• Having freedom to follow a thought, an idea or opportunity without having to fit it around everything else.

Things I haven’t loved quite so much:

• Too much choice, overwhelm. Which can make it surprisingly easy to do nothing.

• Questioning whether what I’m doing is worthwhile.

• Missing familiar faces.

• Losing everyday connections that made me feel grounded.

None of these are particularly dramatic. They’re mostly internal challenges and a lot of them come back to a missing structure.

Travel makes routine difficult. You’re constantly adapting to new places, time zones, people, food and surroundings. Just as you start to find your feet, you’re often moving on again.

But when I dug a little deeper, I realised this isn’t just a travel problem.

I’ve felt it when I’m not travelling too.

The difference is that at home, there are things that quietly keep you on track.

Work. Run clubs. Tuesday tennis. Plans with friends. Family commitments. The familiar faces you see without having to organise, they are just there.

I didn’t necessarily think of these things as part of routine. They’re just life.

Until they’re not there.

And that gap left behind is bigger than I imagined.

Things that hold us together.

It’s made me curious about how much of our routine is almost effortless.

Not because the actions themselves are easy, but because the structure around them is already there.

You turn up to work because it’s Monday. You go to tennis because it’s Tuesday. You meet a friend because it’s what you do every few weeks. You go for a run because someone is expecting you in the car park.

There is a rhythm and hum to it all.

Remove those things and suddenly you’re responsible for creating that rhythm from scratch.

It’s a bit like being a bolt in a much bigger structure. You might not give it much thought while everything is in place, but take yourself out of that structure and you realise how much it was holding together.

I sometimes wish I could wave a magic wand and create a new routine overnight.

But a balanced mental and physical routine takes time. You have to work out what matters, make room for it, and keep showing up long enough for it to become part of your life.

And that brings me to two words that have been on my mind for a while - consistency and accountability.

I’ve always liked the idea of accountability, but I’m increasingly interested in what it looks like in practice.

Not accountability as a stick to beat yourself with or another way to measure whether you’re doing enough.

More the energy to take responsibility for things that matter to you, that someone else may never see.

Making friends and creating a community.

Finding hobbies and making space for them in your week.

Building connections that go beyond convenience.

Finding motivation and inspiration in your work.

Creating the conditions in which you feel engaged, rather than just getting through the day.

These things that take time and effort to build. They rarely happen overnight and they don’t always fit neatly around everything else - sometimes those uncontrollables get ya!

Yet we live in a world where so much is designed to be immediate & convenient. We can book, buy, order, connect and move on with very little friction.

Building a life that feels balanced and meaningful isn’t always quite so convenient.

Repetition. Patience. And to keep turning up, even when the initial excitement has worn off.

That’s maybe what I’ve been missing as much as the routine itself: Small, repeated actions that create a sense of belonging, momentum and connection.

So… what’s next?

I’m volunteering with a community charity programme in San Pancho on Mexico’s west coast.

I’m curious to see what happens.

Will the commitment, contributing to something beyond myself and being part of a community shift some of these feelings? Or will it simply reinforce what I’ve already started to realise?

I don’t know yet.

And I don’t have to know.

Not every experience is a lesson. Sometimes it’s been enough to notice what’s happening, sit with it for a bit and see where it takes me.

I do know is that I ran out of magic for a moment, but I haven’t exhausted it forever.

I also can’t just wave a wand and expect everything to fall into place.

I need to make the potion myself. This bit’s cheesy, so get your sick bucket ready…

A little consistency. A little balance. A dose of accountability.

And perhaps most importantly, patience to let it take shape.

Because the point of stepping away, taking a pause, seeing things differently, isn’t to find a different person. It’s understanding a little better what helps you feel like yourself.

(Noting, If I did have a magic wand I would also make so many questionable decisions with it, it’s a good job I don’t have one)