2/ HaHaHa moments

Just around a month ago, a guy sitting next to me on a plane asked a question that hasn't left my head since “How much of your life are you producing content and how much are you actually living?

Now I am 6 weeks into my sabbatical and if you look at my Instagram, it probably looks like I am having an absolute blast. Which is pretty accurate in the main.

So far, I’ve travelled through 2 countries, 6 cities, rested my head in 9 different places, ascended & descended 4 mountains, celebrated my birthday, wandered with an angled neck & look of awe on countless streets and met a lot of interesting people on the way.

Felix, who was sitting next to me on the plane from Tasmania and I ended up chatting about ‘How much we produce vs how much we are living?’.We were talking about social media at the time, but it stuck in my head.

Although I am not always the most structured person, most of my adult life I have lived in quite a structured world. That world creates a hum and rhythm. Deadlines, measurable progress, feedback or responsibility. Particularly when you lead teams

Then BAM, I’ve chosen to make that all disappear.

No diary. No meetings. No targets. No KPI. Just time andIt’s WONDERFUL but also psychologically disorientating.

A few mornings ago I woke up in Kyoto, Japan with no plan and just wandered out into the day. This is where I noticed something happening again. Something I can only describe as a ‘hahaha moment’a genuinely, slightly manic laugh to myself & sometimes out loud because I can’t help myself.

Like…

The second day of travels walking out on to my brother’s balcony with a coffee, listening to the birds, watching the sunrise and realising this is actually real. ‘Hahaha moment’

Looking out of the plane window over Tasmania realising there’s a whole new island to explore with pals. ‘hahaha moment’

A lock-in at a Tasmanian pub with friends and the owner. ‘hahaha moment’

Sitting on a chairlift going up the mountain in Hakuba with a snowboard strapped to my feet. ‘hahaha moment’

Meeting this cool vibey person In the hostel I was staying at, we listened to a band and danced across a floor painted with the map of Japan ‘hahaha moment’

Watching a buddhist fire festival in Nara park surrounded by hundreds of people witnessing  this epic ceremony ‘hahaha moment’

Moments where I just sit there and laugh because I’m just bloody happy I pushed myself to do this, grateful I had the opportunity and aware I worked hard to get to a point where I could.

The funny thing is, while I am away these moments are coming thicker and faster. But they existed at home too, I think my eyes are just more open to find them now.

Now, as my dad once said, life can’t all be unicorns and fluffy stuff. Realism. Boooooo, but true, so here’s some balance.

I’ve also had some low or weird gut moments.

I’ve walked through Ameyoko market in Tokyo. Surrounded by this Incredible energy, culture. sitting in a izakaya with a beer & trying to converse with a Japanese guy who doesn’t speak English. Eating food from street vendors. A shrine, temples and yet my body is still saying ‘What are you doing?’ ‘am I wasting my time?’ or ‘shouldn’t I be doing something more productive’

My nervous system is still expecting. That structure doesn’t disappear overnight.

OR

The  night before I leave my brothers in Sydney for Japan, where my anxiety sky rocketed.

“What if I don’t meet anyone”

“What if I get lonely”

“How will I even get around”

“Am I actually doing the right thing”

Gut give me a break please. luckily I also had my brother there for that to talk sense into me too, find good people.

My invisible filing cabinet is filling up more, with these moments uncomfortable and hahaha ones. They are all part of the beans, bricks and beaches philosophy - it really is all grounding, growth and gratitude.

So, I’d say I’m still In the quite uncomfortable stage, but as long as the frequent ‘hahaha moments’ keep coming.

I’m here for that.

Safe to say, I’m not coming home early.

note, the above are just a minor selection of lots of ‘hahaha moments’ AND for Steve coogan, if you ever come across this, hahaha is very different to an Alan Partridge ‘aha’ ;) No copyright infringement.