Not sure if it was self imposed indulgence in the wine region, Spending time with friends and having people around me after 6 months of travelling, Another journey that I had done very little to no planning for Or that I was on a standby ticket and didn’t even know if I was just about to get on my flight to Lima.

But the nerves were real.

I’m on a plane from Geneva to Lima, Peru via Madrid, watching Leo and Lou. A great Spanish film about a couple of lost souls.

I’m scared again. I don’t know Spanish. I don’t completely know where I’m going. I don’t completely know why I’m going. Fear. Fear is real.

Machu pichu. Trail running. Great food. Great music. New culture. Why am I not totally excited?

Having just come from seeing friends. It made me enjoy them more. It made me scared that I was missing something, most came with partners, kids, I watched two of them getting married. All the societal things of ‘norm’ reinforced.

However, it also reinforced that I love jumping in a pool with them, acting like we were kids.

I watched that Spanish film Leo and Lou on the plane from Madrid to Lima, it made me feel stuff. I welled up.

But you know what. I’m two days in and I still feel a bit fragile, but….

I took a Spanish lesson

Went on a food tour with a local and two travellers (one of who was 18, blew my mind he was solo travelling at that age)

Went for a big run on the coastline in a new continent, in a new city and a new coastline.

Started chatting to a guy about his camera and then to a girl sitting on her own, we all went for a walk, lunch, watched the England game and then dinner together.

So yes I miss my friends. I still feel fragile. But your emotions can sometimes rest in a fractional second of taking a breath or someone having a chat with you.

That pause. That breath. Knowing fragility will & can end and the joy will & can come.

Dan Round

Why am I not totally excited?

Mis-tea monks, my mind & building better days